


Broken Like Me

by PixiePosts



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Drug Use, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Multi, Other, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use, Suicidal Ideation, caleb widogast levels of self hatred, past self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:28:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26942152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PixiePosts/pseuds/PixiePosts
Summary: Caleb Widogast doesn't want to dieFjord doesn't want to die eitherBut life is hard, and stressful and full of mistakes.  Can two broken people make it worthwhile?
Relationships: Fjord/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 22
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

Caleb  Widogast did not want to die. Not in the slightest, he knew what “wanting to die” felt like, and this  wasn’t it. 

He had wanted to die when his parents burned in their beds because  _ he _ ratted out the wrong professor. He had wanted to die when he was living on the streets, veins pumped with enough poison to turn every face into those of his family.

He had wanted to die when Veth had taken that poison away and he had been forced back into his own mind for the first time in years.

So no, Caleb  Widogast did not want to die.

His reason for being in this dingy bar, on a stool older than he was, with yet another double of whiskey in front of him was much less dramatic. He just  didn’t want to  _ think _ anymore. He  didn’t want to think about how despite having more money than he had ever dreamed of, and a job he genuinely loved, and a name that was well known in Arcane circles, he was miserable. 

Yes, his best friend had moved not just out of Zadash but right out of the Empire to be with her husband, then gotten pregnant and stopped calling. And yes, he had a  _ hell _ of a messy break-up not three weeks later with the  drow he thought he would spend his life with. And yes, his other best friend was looking at him with a mix of pity and anger that she nearly always wore around him now…  but he  _ didn’t _ want to die.

So, that was something.

“Caleb” Beau grumbled, tugging the empty glass away from him “go  _ home _ , you’re  drunk as fuck and I know for a fact that you work tomorrow” 

“So d’you” his words were slurred, but that was to be expected

“Yeah, but I’m not drunk” she sighed “let me call you a cab” 

“ _ Nein _ Beauregard” he glared at both of her “I am  _ fine, wunderbar _ even. All I need is for you to refill that for me” 

He tapped the glass in her hand, missing and getting her hand instead. Ah well, the point would still get across. She rolled her  eyes, but refilled the glass anyway.

“ _ Danke _ ” he downed half of it and stood up “I will be back, do not take that away”

She snapped a salute before flipping him off, he managed a smirk in response. 

He stumbled out the door into the cold winter air, it had started snowing lightly while  he’d been inside… he would need to pick up some  Winterscrest gifts to send to Veth and her family. He wondered drunkenly what on Exandria you bought for a  six month old while he lit his cigarette, savouring the first drag. He leaned against the crumbling brick wall and stared up at the cloudy sky, he could just make out the nearly full moon above him. 

Caleb had always liked  winter, it was colder up north where he was from and the farm always looked like a post card by the time he got home for the winter holidays. It had been a beautiful spot.

He sighed, putting out his half-finished smoke and flicking it into the garbage can. So much for not thinking. He sat back on his stool, idly spinning the glass in his hand while Beau took a phone call. He was tired, so  damn tired. He should go home and sleep,  shouldn’t have come out tonight at all really. Beau was right, he had work tomorrow and he was supposed to be guest lecturing in the afternoon as well. He laid is head on the bar, pillowed by one bent arm and looked watched Beau nod at her phone call. 

He was an idiot, why did she still put up with him. He was a drunk. 

Hadn’t _ always _ been one, but he could admit to himself that he certainly was now. Non-drunks  didn’t spend every night at a dive bar drinking cheap whiskey until they couldn’t speak common anymore. 

He sighed again. 

“Have we reached the sad phase already? That usually takes longer”  Beau half-teased as she walked over “Also you might not want to lay there, I ran out of bleach until tomorrow” 

He shrugged “was that Gustav?” 

She nodded, pushing a bowl of pretzels towards him. He sat up and took one, taking a bite obediently 

“How is his husband doing?” 

“Better he says, but he’s still going to be off for a while” she pushed a glass of water to him now and waited while he took a sip “he hired some extra help, some new guy to take the day shift since I’ve  gotta get back to the Soul” 

He hummed in response, finishing off his whiskey and following it with the rest of the glass of water. The next few hours are a drunken blur until finally Beau is pushing him into a cab and giving his address. 

He stumbled in the door of his apartment, glaring around at it. He had moved in a few weeks after Veth left their old place, unable to stand looking at the walls they had painted and the furniture they had thrifted. This place was much nicer, objectively, but he  hadn’t done anything other than move his stuff in. Jester had helped him pick out furniture, everything was understated and comfortable. Warm dark wood and soft browns and greens. The only thing he had really picked himself had been the over-large leather armchair. Beau called it his ‘professor chair ’ and had shown up with a green plaid throw blanket the next day that he dutifully folded over the back of it. 

He kicked off his boots, tossed his old coat on the hook and made for his room. He would shower in the morning to help wake himself up for work. 

Fjord needs this job. Like, needs it or  he’ll be out on the street type of  _ need _ _ s it _ _.  _ The bar was the only place to call him back when he  applied .  He’s not particularly surprised, having spent his entire teen and  young adult life on shipping vessels doesn’t make for a lot of job experience.  But he has his bar tending license and  he’s broken  up enough brawls at the shipyard to know he could handle drunk college kids.  The bar looks like any college bar in any college town. It’s a  two story building between a pawn shop and another bar, the wooden sign is faded but clearly had been bright to start. The blinds are  drawn and the windows have the same metal bars on them as the other businesses. He was greeted at the  door by a very tall, very  _ pale _ woman with mismatched eyes and a much softer voice than he had been expecting.

He’d never admit it, but the woman walking him through his tour is terrifying.  She’s tanned, ripped but in that lean way that if she wasn’t in a literal sports bra and  sweats, he’d  never have know n . Her dark hair is up in a top knot, showing the buzzed undercut and the intricate tattoo on the back of her neck. But  it’s the eyes, sharp and pale blue , giving him a look that clearly says she’s sizing him up. Somehow, he  doesn’t doubt she could kick his ass in a fight. She had introduced herself as Beau, gripped his forearm to shake instead of his hand, and started the tour without so much as a ‘nice to meet you’.

The inside of the bar is much like he expected, dark mahogany wood tables and chairs (all of them scuffed with years of use), a dance floor and small stage at the far end. The actual bar-top itself ran along the side closest to the door, bathrooms were down a small hallway at the end. There was a small office upstairs with a live security feed going on the old tv. 

They made th eir way back down, Beau locking the office door first. She leaned up against the bar and he followed suit. 

“So, you’ll mainly be tending bar” Beau started, indicating the wall of booze “you’ll cover for Yasha on her days off though” 

Fjord nodded “Yeah, no problem at all”

Beau looked back at him curiously “where are you from anyway?”

“Port Damali, or around there anyway” 

Fjord was used to the  question; his accent was always considered odd in the empire. 

“Huh, cool  cool .” She looked over the currently empty bar and sighed “okay so…”

He raised an eyebrow, that  didn’t sound good

“We’ve got a couple regulars you should be aware of” she laughed at whatever his expression must have shown “nothing crazy, they’re good folks just… you should know when to call the cab”

He nodded, that sounded a lot like the bars on the coast if he was honest. 

“So there’s  Reani , she has a halo” he chose not to comment on that “she’s sweet, but after a bit too much wine you’ll need to send her home before her inner law major comes out and she starts trying to either arrest or psychoanalyse people.” 

He smirked, oh so this bar had  _ those _ kind s of regulars. 

“Then there’s Keg, she can get pretty rowdy after too much beer”

He nodded

“And then… well…” she seemed to hesitate  now, and he furrowed his brows at her. Did this bar  actually have a ‘problem’ regular? 

Beau sighed “there’s Caleb” he nodded “nerdy ginger,  Zemnian accent, only orders whiskey” she looked off to the side now “He only gets cut off if he stops speaking common or passes out”

There was a pause.

“I…I’m sorry, what?” 

Who the hell got to stick around to the point of passing out?

Beau rubbed the back of her neck as her expression turned some mix of embarrassment and sadness.

“He… The owner, Gus, cuts him extra slack  ‘ cause he never causes a scene” she looked at him almost pleadingly “he’s a really good guy, he just… he’s been through a lot” 

Fjord nodded, trying to be compassionate. The guy was a friend of the owner, and got a little extra slack, it was fine. 

“Just…” Beau paused again, biting her lip “if he… call me or Yasha if he seems too far past that.  Don’t let him get in the cab without one of us” 

Oh.  _ Oh _ … Fjord understood now. This Caleb was a friend of the  _ bar, _ not just the owner . That made more sense.  He nodded, taking her and Yasha’s cell numbers and adding them to his phone. 

The next hour was spent with Beau making sure he knew where everything was located behind the  bar, and making sure he knew the lock code for the employee entrance at the back.

\---

It was two weeks before he worked the bar on a night when the mysterious Caleb came in. Fjord was wiping down some glasses when he saw a man sit down at the end of the bar, farthest from the door. He was pale, dressed like a librarian with fine ginger hair tied back in a low bun. Fjord set down the glass and walked over, a smile on his face.

“Well hey there, what can I  get’cha ?” 

The man looked up at him and Fjord felt all the air go out of his lungs at once. Eyes the colour of the ocean at twilight looked up at him from the pale face, with bags that were so dark they nearly looked fake. 

“ _ Hallo _ there” the soft accent only made it harder for him to breath “you are new… you must be Fjord,  _ ja _ ?” 

The way this mans accent caught ever so slightly on his name was instantly almost too much. Fjord just nodded as he remembered Beaus description from weeks before

“I am, you must be Caleb” he threw the human his most charming smile,  tusks and all “I’m pleased to meet you…whiskey, right?” 

Caleb smiled now, or what Fjord assumed counted for a smile… it was  really more a slight tilt of the head combined with the smallest quirk of his lips.

“ _ Ja _ , Beauregard has warned you about me I suppose?”

Fjord shrugged, pulling the golden liquor off the shelf, and pouring just a bit more than a double 

“She said I’d meet you eventually” 

Caleb took the drink and held it up in cheers “how long have you been here Mister Fjord?” he drained it in one long drink. Fjord tried not to stare. 

“Just about three weeks, mostly the day shift though” he refilled the empty glass “no need for that ‘mister’ stuff here, just Fjord is fine” 

Caleb eyed him over the rim of his refilled glass, and Fjord fought the instinct to shiver under the blue stare. 

“Well then Fjord, I am pleased to finally meet you… hopefully we will see more of each other” 

Fjord smiled again “sounds good to me, Beau’s been taking more shifts at the Soul anyway” 

Caleb nodded, his expression going from calculating to fond so quickly it was shocking

“She deserves it, she has worked very hard to earn her place there… it will be nice to see her move up in life” 

“You care about her”

Caleb smi rked down into his nearly empty  glass, Fjord couldn’t help the shock  at how quickly the man drank. 

“ _ Ja _ , she is one of two people who have known me at my worst and continue to stay with me, I want the best for her” 

Oh, that explained why Beau had been so adamant about Caleb not being kicked out,  there was something else going on there. 

Fjord refilled his glad “she seems like good folk to me”

Caleb did in fact stay until nearly it was nearly closing time, he was quiet at  first but Fjord kept up a steady stream of chatter and questions when he wasn’t serving other customers. He noticed that the ginger never really  _ smiled _ when he talked… the most Fjord could get were those little half smirks or a laugh that was more like a huff. 

He  didn’t really know  _ why _ he wanted Caleb to smile, he just had a feeling that it would be worth it. 

Well… that, and Fjord had always been a sucker for a man with blue eyes. 

He learned that Caleb was  some kind of prodigy , graduating university at 20 (having started at 16). He had lived in Zadash since his graduation, but only started working  for the school five years ago. He claimed not to remember the first three years after his graduation at all, and the way his hands had started to shake had stopped Fjord from pressing. 

He wrote a book, apparently,  and also had “about a dozen, maybe” published research papers. 

In return for all of this, Fjord told him about his life at sea. Caleb had brightened up then, asking questions about what it had been like to spend so much time on the water. Had asked if he missed it. 

He did, a little, but after  Vandran … After  _ Sabien _ … he  couldn’t go back. 

He  hadn’t told Caleb that though.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Caleb found himself heading for the bar earlier these days. Part of it was the added stress of the new courses the university had asked him to teach… but if he was honest with himself (and who else could he be honest with these days) part was also… Fjord. 

The half-orc had been a pleasant surprise, he was funny and charismatic, and seemed genuinely interested in Caleb’s work. 

Two days after they met, Caleb had gone into the bar a few hours earlier, almost smiling when he saw amber eyes look up at him. He had taken his usual seat at the otherwise empty bar, Fjord pouring him a drink before leaning on his forearms and smiling at him. 

The man did have a great smile. 

“Afternoon Caleb, didn’t think I’d get to see you today, Beau’s  gonna be here any time” 

“I am lucky my class ended early today then hm?”

“Nah, I’m the lucky one” Fjord winked and refilled his glass

They spent the last hour of Fjord’s shift talking,  and Caleb drank much slower than he usually would as the other man all but interrogated him about his new classes. Beau waved, smirking when she arrived, taking her spot behind the bar and shooing Fjord away. 

Caleb sighed as the other man headed for the back, downing the rest of his drink. At least he would have more time to drink now. 

“Not excited to see your best friend hm?” Beau teased, refilling his glass “I see how it is, you like the new guy better” 

He smirked at her “well, you have to admit he’s much better looking”

She threw a drying rag at him,  along with a string of her best curses.

“Oh, so we  _ are _ allowed to cuss out the customers then, I meant to ask” 

They both looked over to see Fjord leaning up against the bar and smiling at them. Beau laughed as Caleb took the moment of distraction to throw the rag back at her.

“Only  _ this _ customer,  ‘cause he’s an ass”

“Takes one to know one” he retorted, flicking a pretzel at her

“ Oh _ real _ mature, such a very clever answer from the local genius. See what I have to deal with Fjord?” 

Fjord was laughing now, a deep rumbling laugh that matched his voice. Caleb finished another drink as the still chuckling man took the bar stool next to him.

“How long have you two known each other? I would swear you were related if I didn’t know better” 

“ _ Ja _ , Beauregard here is my long-lost annoying sister, you have discovered our secret” 

“Nah, this old man is secretly my real dad who ran off and left me with the shit one” 

Caleb scoffed in mock outrage “I am not  _ that _ old,  _ Scheisse _ ” he turned to Fjord, sighing “I do not know why I still come here, honestly” 

He flinched as Beau flicked him with her towel “It’s cause you love me dumbass, you know it” she refilled his glass “and who else will listen to you rant about arcane theory all night?” 

She turned to Fjord “want a drink, or has the grumpy old man who haunts the bar scared you off?”

Caleb sputtered indignantly, though it was mostly for show. He was, after all, a grumpy old man who haunted the bar. 

Fjord chuckled “sure, just a beer is fine”

They drank in silence for a while as more people started to arrive, Caleb pulled out his notebook and flipped to the page he had been working on that afternoon. 

“ What’cha got there?” 

He looked over to see Fjord looking back curiously and felt something in his chest loosen. 

“Well,” he began, sliding the book closer to the half-orc and leaning in “I am working on a new spell” 

The hours had gone by in a blur, not the usual drunken blur of his nights at the bar, but one of conversation and explanation.  Caleb found himself talking more than he had in ages (not counting his lectures), and at the end of the night his tab had been far lower. He went home, choosing to walk the short distance instead of getting a cab, and fell asleep without his usual tossing and turning. 

And so, th eir new tradition was born. He still went to the bar every day (which Beau claimed was “unhealthy”) but he left before closing and his bills stayed lower. This new combination of Fjord’s company (because Caleb  couldn’t deny that it  _ was _ Fjords company that had changed his routine) and his whiskey was doing what the whiskey alone hadn’t in weeks. 

He  didn’t think. The angry voice in his head was muted and his nightmares stayed away… it was a nice change. 

Of course, as nice as his evenings had become, his mind was still as it had always been. Which he realized when, one morning on a rare day off he was reaching for a knife to cut up some fruit for breakfast. He grabbed the first one his hands touched, an old steak-knife that had come over from the old apartment

_ Stab _ .  _ End it.  _

He sighed, put the knife back in the drawer and tossed the fruit back in the fridge. He  wasn’t hungry anyway. 

“Mister Caleb!” Fjord greeted, a month after he had met the man. He had realized that on top of being attractive, the wizard  had been downplaying his academic achievements that first night . He had written  dozens of papers on Arcana (most of which Fjord had read on his off time), along with having created a spell that allowed for permanent transfiguration of a persons form… and now he was a guest professor at Zadash University. 

The thing was… none of that really mattered as far as Fjord was concerned. Because despite all of it, Caleb was polite, kind and just… genuinely good to everyone who spoke to him.

“ _ Guten _ _ Abend _ Fjord, you’ve had a good day I hope?” 

Fjord nodded, pouring his usual just-a-bit-more than a double and sliding it over before leaning on the counter. 

“So, what brilliant stuff have you been up to today?” 

Caleb sighed, taking a long sip from his glass before responding

“Today I dealt with confused first years and also answered several angry emails from my publisher”

Fjord paused, refilling his glass out of habit 

“Why was the publisher angry?”

Caleb smirked ruefully at him   
“Well, it turns out that there are several free versions of my research papers floating around, allowing students to use them without paying an exorbitant fee” he shot the double back like it was nothing, and Fjord tried not to watch his throat as he swallowed “and the publisher did not appreciate my response to the situation” 

Fjord cleared his throat “ wh -what response was that?” 

Caleb looked him in the eye and smirked “I told them I didn’t care, and that I have no interest in pursuing legal action” 

He winked , leaning in conspiratorially  and Fjords stomach flipped 

“ What s he doesn’t know … is  that I am the one leaking everything” 

Fjord felt the smile build across his face. This man… he was something else. 

They spent the next several hours talking , Fjord finding himself leaning across the bar as the human described his most recent research paper. Fjord loved magic, and Caleb loved talking about it. It  didn’t hurt that at one point the man got frustrated and tugged the hair tie out of his hair, sending a cascade of ginger waves over his shoulders and making Fjord stutter. 

“Caleb, I  gotta ask” he started tentatively 

Caleb hummed in response, too-blue eyes catching his

“What in the hells are you wasting your time here for? You’ve  gotta be the smartest person I’ve ever met” 

Caleb eyed him for a moment, draining the rest of his glass before he smiled on e of his new, tentative smiles , tilting his head to expose the long column of pale neck.

“Sometimes I just need to… not think anymore” Caleb looked up at him through long lashes, mouth parted slightly “ and …  I’ve been thinking lately…” he paused, worrying his bottom lip “if  you should ever find yourself in a similar situation” he pulled out a gods damned fountain pen, wrote a phone number on his napkin and pushed it across the bar “give me a call  _ ja _ ?” 

Fjord took the napkin, blinking in surprise as Caleb stood and headed for the door. 

“He likes you” Beau sounded surprised  as she walked over, watching her friend leave.

“I mean, he’s a nice guy… even if he does drink like a fish” 

She eyed him for a moment, clearly trying to decide if she should say  whatever she was thinking

“He’s… been through a lot of shit” She pulled a glass over and started cleaning it “drinking isn’t the best way to deal, but it’s better than others… and honestly he doesn’t drink nearly as much when you’re on shift” 

He raised an eyebrow at her and she shrugged 

“I haven’t had to pour him into a cab since you started, which is a distinct improvement” 

She smirked, looking at him out of the corner of her eye “and I don’t see you throwing  _ that _ away” she tilted her head towards the napkin in his hand “so I guess you like him too” 

He shrugged, the truth was th at he  _ did _ like Caleb, how could he not? Even with the clear drinking problem he had been nothing but nice. And he was smart, and handsome… and  fucking  _ funny _ __ when he wanted to be. 

He looked down at the napkin for a moment before pulling out his phone and adding it in. 

“What the hell,  gotta take a chance sometime” he muttered as he hit the little save button. 

“Hell yeah!” Beau said responded, punching his shoulder lightly “just as a side  note ”

He looked over at her, she was adding the clean glass to the stacks beneath the bar 

“You’re my friend Fjord, I like you… but if you hurt him, I’ll punch you so hard your ancestors will feel it, cool?” 

He smirked “yeah, sounds good” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is hard, but sometimes all it takes is someone to understand

Caleb woke the morning after he had given Fjord his number with a headache and a message notification. 

**xxx-xxx-xxxx** : Hey Caleb, it’s Fjord J 

Caleb smiled, certain the swoop in his stomach wasn’t from hunger. He saved the number and typed out a response 

**Caleb:** morning Fjord, happy to hear my writing wasn’t too awful 

That had been two weeks ago, and now Caleb wasn’t only seeing the other man every night at the bar, the were also texting several times a day. Caleb was spending his day off doing what he usually did: all the errands he couldn’t do when he worked. He had done his version of groceries (a lot of frozen dinners, coffee and cereal) and was about to leave his apartment again to head to the Blooming Grove Tea Shop and Bakery. 

The chime of the little bells above the door was a familiar, comforting sound. 

“Hello there Mister Caleb, it’s nice to see you” 

Caleb smiled as he walked up to where Caduceus was standing behind the counter. 

“Hallo Caduceus, it has been a while” 

The firbolg’s expression changed from welcome surprise to the one that made Caleb feel like his very soul was being looked into. Then Caduceus smiled again, warm and fond. 

“Well, life gets busy sometimes but friends are always there when it slows back down” 

Caleb nodded “ _Danke_ Caduceus” 

There was a moment of comfortable silence before Caduceus started slightly. 

“Oh right, you needed something, what did you need?” 

Caleb smiled back, the firbolg was incredibly perceptive when it came to people’s emotions, but often forgot that he ran a shop. 

“I am running out of tea, well...” he paused eyes roaming the shelves covered in huge jars of dried herbs and flowers “I am running out of my favourite tea, and the sleepy one as well” 

Caduceus nodded, still smiling serenely as he started puttering around, pulling jars from shelves to make the tea mixes. 

The door to the kitchen swung open then and out bounced a cheerful blue Tiefling girl, dressed in a bright pink dress and a frilly purple apron and holding a tray of brownies. 

“Hi Caleb!” she called happily, setting the tray on the counter and bounding over to give him a hug “I knew I heard you out here! You have _totally_ awesome timing!” 

Caleb chuckled and hugged her back “oh?” 

Jester nodded, there was a smudge of flour across her cheek that she very clearly hadn’t noticed. 

“These are for Beau!” she pointed to the tray “or well, six of them are anyway! And I was _supposed_ to drop them to the bar but I totally forgot and I made dinner plans with Cali and I _also_ have like SO much more baking to do sooo.....” 

“Would you like me to drop them off?” 

She clapped and hugged him again 

“Oh, you’re just the absolute best!! As a thank you-” she let him go, carefully packing six brownies into a pale pink to-go box before packing two more into a separate smaller box “here! They’re super duper delicious!” 

“I am sure they are, I’ll try my best to give Beau the bigger box _ja_?” he winked, and she laughed, swatting his arm 

“You wouldn’t dare deprive Beau of chocolate!” 

He shuddered dramatically “ _nein_ , that is a very good point” 

They talked for a few more minutes before Caduceus placed the bag with his two jars of tea mix in it on the counter. Caleb paid, thanking them and leaving a tip in the jar when they looked away. 

“Take care of yourself Caleb” Caduceus called as he left. 

\---- 

Caleb knew that Beau wouldn’t be at work for another hour, so he stopped off at home to drop off his tea and his own brownies. As he was tucking the tea canisters into the cupboard a thought struck him. 

If Beau wasn’t working... that meant Fjord was. 

If he left a little early, he could sit and talk before he handed off the package of brownies... he had been planning to go to the bar that night anyway. 

Because of course, he was, he didn’t do anything else. He glared into the apartment, the familiar sense of just how pathetic he really was rolling through him. Why did his friends bother with him? All he did now was work all day and drink all night... and the way his mornings had been going lately he could only assume the drinking would extend into the day eventually. He was weak, he was honestly shocked his miserable lack of self-control hadn’t thrown him right back into his old vices. 

His stomach growled. 

He grabbed a brownie of his box, eating half in two bites. It really was delicious... Jester had gotten very good at baking in the last few months. He could still remember the rock hard “blueberry muffins” from when she first started out... yikes. He ate the rest of the brownie, grabbing Beaus pack and his smokes off the counter and headed out. He stood outside the apartment for a few minutes, he hated to walk while he smoked. The cigarettes never seemed to last as long, and he didn’t like the idea of blowing smoke in people’s faces, even accidentally. 

Another awful habit. This one wasn’t new of course; he had picked up smoking while Veth was still here. One of the people in the trauma support group where he had met Beau had offered him one to “take the edge off” ... it had worked. He hadn’t been able to quit since, though he had tried a few times. Veth used to hate it, insisting he leave whatever coat he was smoking in on the balcony to air out, and refusing to walk with him while he did. 

Was that why he had stopped smoking and walking? Ah well, it didn’t matter anyway. 

Man, that brownie had been good. He hadn’t eaten enough today; he should have brought the other one too... 

He looked around slowly, it was a nice day... still cold, New Dawn was just around the corner, but he never minded the cold. 

Everything seemed... fuzzy, lighter than usual. It was a familiar sensation, but he couldn’t place it... 

Oh well, he flicked his cigarette butt into the trashcan on the sidewalk and started towards the bar. 

He would have to ask Beau if they had those pretzels he liked, the mini ones... he could go for some pretzels. 

He smiled as he walked, feeling lighter than he had in ages, buoyed on by the prospect of snacks and Beau and Fjord. 

Fjord was nice, he liked magic too which was a treat. 

Handsome too, which was _also_ a treat. 

He realized belatedly that there was a buzzing under his skin... it wasn’t uncomfortable, just tingly. It was familiar again... but why? 

While he was contemplating the strange sensation (staring at his hand absently) he arrived at the bar. Pushing open the worn wooden door he headed to the bar, smiling as he caught sight of Fjord standing there cleaning glasses. 

“Hey there Caleb!” the other man called, setting down the glass with a smile “you’re early today” 

Caleb hummed happily back “ _Ja_ , it’s my day off” 

“Get up to anything brilliant today?” 

The warmth behind his words set Caleb's pulse fluttering, he giggled thinking of butterflies under his skin, maybe that’s what the tingly feeling was. He sat down, plunking the to-go bag on the counter before smiling up at Fjord. 

Oh, Fjord asked a question, right... 

“ah... sorry, what?” 

Fjord raised an eyebrow “you alright Caleb?” his smile was confused now. 

“Yeah, _ja_ , sorry, I got distracted by the butterflies and missed your question” he giggled again. 

Both the half-orcs eyebrows were raised now, but before he could repeat his question the employee entrance behind the bar swung open and Beau walked out. 

“’Sup Fjord I-” she paused, eyeing Caleb curiously “you’re here early” 

“Day off!” he responded cheerfully, trailing his fingers along the roughened surface of the bar. 

Oh, that was an excellent texture, and the way the different shades of the wood stood out even though the lacquer was long faded was fascinating. 

“Leb...Caleb?” 

He looked up and jumped slightly, Beau was very suddenly _very_ close to him. She looked concerned about something... had she been talking to him? 

“Sorry what?” 

Fjord chuckled “he’s a space cadet today apparently” 

“I asked if you ate any of the brownies from the box” Beau sounded annoyed... of course he hadn’t eaten her brownies. 

“ _Nein_ , Beauregard” he huffed, annoyed “I know better than to eat _your_ chocolate” he smiled again “Jester gave me my own, as a thank you for dropping yours off. She has a date with Cali tonight” 

“She gave- fuck" Beau looked _really_ mad now “How many did you eat?” 

“Just one, wh-” 

Oh. OH. Suddenly it dawned on him why this feeling was so familiar 

“I’m _high_... that makes so much sense” 

Fjord burst out laughing at his expression, Caleb was sure it was something to behold. He should have recognized the feeling, but it had been such a long time since being high had actually felt _good_... 

“Yes you’re fucking _high_ , I’m going to _murder_ that woman I swear to all the gods” Beau whipped out her phone before turning to Fjord “your shift is over, and you’re already over hours this week... do you mind making sure he gets home?” 

Fjord looked confused... why would... oh, right. Caleb’s fuzzy brain caught up again, Fjord didn’t _know_ that he wasn’t supposed to get high. Whoops. 

“S-sure, I don’t know where-” 

Beau cut him off, snapping her fingers to grab Caleb’s attention away from the distracting way the lights played off the wine bottles on the top shelf. 

“Can you show Fjord the way to your apartment?” 

He nodded 

“And you’re going to give him that brownie, got it?” 

Now he pouted, that was _his_ brownie, and it was _good_. 

“But Beau, I’m hungry and those brownies are delicious” he paused “and you know I am _never_ hungry, I didn’t eat breakfast at all today and-” 

“Why didn’t you eat breakfast?” Fjord asked, he sounded much calmer then Beau 

“The knives were being assholes again” 

They both stared at him for a moment, but he just shrugged, turning back to Beau to continue his argument. 

“Okay okay how about this” she reached under the bar and pulled up a new bag off the tiny pretzels “I’ll give you this if you _promise_ to give Fjord the brownie” 

He thought about it, staring at the pretzels... he never could find them when he went shopping. A whole bag just so he would give up one single brownie. 

“ _Ja_ , deal” 

“Swear on your books” 

He rolled his eyes “ _Ja ja_ fiiiine” 

She handed him the bag, before turning to talk to Fjord again. Caleb watched them, the words washing over him in a hum that only added to the buzzing under his skin. Fjord’s eyes were amazing, a golden amber colour that Caleb was sure he had never seen before, or at least he couldn’t remember it. He probably would have remembered it, if he had seen it. 

“Ready to head out there Cay?” 

He blinked and smiled up at Fjord, popping a pretzel into his mouth and nodding. Fuck he really was high. 

“Bye Beauregard, have fun watching the Beaure-Bar!” he burst into a fit of giggles at his own joke, lasting until they were outside. 

Fjord smiled at him as he took a deep breath. The winter air was always the best air, it smelled cold and clean. 

“I suppose so” Fjord responded, and Caleb realized he must have spoken out loud “didn’t get much of it on the coast” 

“Do you miss it?” 

“Sometimes, but I needed to get away, at least for a bit” 

Caleb nodded as he began walking towards his apartment. 

\----------- 

Fjord followed as Caleb started to lead him (he hoped) towards his place. Caleb high was so different to Caleb drunk... drunk he was quiet and sad, high he seemed to forget how to hold his tongue at all. Not that Fjord minded, it was sweet really. He seemed younger. 

“Have you ever noticed how _sad_ the trees look without their leaves?” 

Fjord raised an eyebrow, trying to hold back a laugh as Caleb continued. 

“Not sad as in ugly, sad like... _sad_ , like lonely almost? What is the word... _trübselig?”_ he shook his head, muttering to himself before sighing “common is a frustrating language” 

Fjord did laugh now, he couldn’t help it. 

“I can’t imagine it’s easy translating everything on a normal day, must be even worse when your brains all fuzzy” 

Caleb nodded before looking up and smiling again. Gods did he have a great smile, Fjord was certain he’d never seen it like this before. Usually, it didn’t reach his eyes, it always just looked a little sad and far away. 

“I gotta ask” he started, his curiosity getting the better of him as they stopped in front of a nice apartment a few minutes later “why did Beau freak out about a little weed? Especially since she’s got a box of the same brownies sitting at work?” 

Caleb hummed and pulled out a pack of smokes, holding them up and looking at him with a clear “do you mind?” expression, Fjord shook his head. Caleb lit one, took a drag and sighed. 

“I am not... _supposed_ to get high... not supposed to get drunk either really” he muttered the second bit under his breath glaring at the end of his smoke before taking another drag “the support group frowns on any form of addictive behaviour, but if I do not _go_ to the group then they will never _know”_

Support group? Fjord frowned slightly “like... AA?” 

Caleb hummed and waved a hand in the air “sort of? But I do not think I could ever go to one of those, they are too religious” he paused, looking at Fjord out of the corner of his eye “I know the Gods exist, one cannot be friends with two separate clerics without knowing that _objectively_... but I am not ah... devoted? Tied to?” 

“A follower of?” Fjord suggested, trying to be helpful. 

Caleb beamed at him and nodded “yes, that. I do not follow any of them myself” 

Fjord nodded, he understood that. He had only started following the Wildmother after meeting Caduceus, she had been a blessing to him... but organized religion wasn’t for everyone. 

Caleb flicked the end of his smoke into a garbage bin with surprising accuracy and led Fjord into the building. He wanted to ask for more information... if the support group hadn’t been for his alcohol issues... then what? He knew it wasn’t his business, not really, but Fjord had always been too curious for his own good. Always had to touch the proverbial big red button. 

Caleb unlocked his apartment door, gesturing for Fjord to go in ahead of him. The place was nice, the living room and kitchen separated by an island with three tall barstools. The furniture looked comfortable, everything in rich browns and greens, with one huge leather armchair set over by a completely stuffed bookshelf. Fjord smiled when he noticed the stacks of books piled next to the shelf, Caleb had clearly run out of room but refused to stop adding to his collection. 

“Well anyway, that’s why she was upset” Caleb continued from behind him as if they had never stopped talking (which, Fjord mused, is how it may have seemed to the stoned wizard). 

“Was she... like a sponsor or something?” 

Caleb chuckled at that, taking Fjords coat and adding it to the hooks by the door, tucking their boots underneath seemingly out of habit. 

“Oh, _nein_ , that is where I met her” Caleb watched his face now, and his confusion must have been evident because he continued lightly “it was a trauma support group. Veth made me go once I was in my right mind enough to do so” 

Veth... he had mentioned her before, his old room-mate. Beau had made it sound like they were close, but close enough to get him into a group like that... that was interesting. 

“I felt it was the least I could do you know” Caleb continued, walking into the kitchen and sitting on the tiles with his back to the island. Fjord followed, sitting across from the ginger 

“She saved my life you know” 

“Veth?” 

“Mhmm, I would have died without her” he held out the bag of pretzels and Fjord took a few, nodding to encourage him to continue “I was homeless, and... in a bad way, and Veth found me and took pity and brought me home” 

He paused now brow furrowed “I told her later that was an awful idea, what if I had hurt her? Bringing an addict she didn’t even know into her home like that?” he scoffed but his expression was fond “stubborn woman” 

Addict. There it was. 

Caleb seemed to realize what he had said, and his cheeks went red. It was unfair how attractive the man could look, even embarrassed. He stared at Fjord, seeming to consider him for a moment, muttering under his breath. 

“Well... everyone else knows” 

Fjord raised an eyebrow and smiled as kindly as he could. He reached out, placing a hand on Caleb's knee and staring into those too-blue eyes. 

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to Caleb, I’ll stick around either way” 

The slender shoulders seemed to relax a bit at that, as did his face. Fjord watched him take a deep breath before he tugged the hoodie off over his head. He had on a long-sleeved grey t-shirt underneath. Caleb stared at the sleeves of his shirt and Fjord felt his heart speed up as he fought not to frown. Slowly, Caleb tugged the sleeves up past his wrists and farther up past his elbows, revealing the expanse of pale forearm. Fjord felt a tug in his chest as he realized what he was looking at. 

Scars. 

One long, jagged scar that ran about four inches up from his wrist, and several dotting the inside of his elbow. Fjord didn’t need to ask what any of them were from, or if the other arm matched. He had seen the same puncture marks on dozens of sailors, men trying to escape what he assumed was a similar past. The longer scar... well, he usually saw the horizontal version, turning crewmates arms and legs into rulers with no measurements. 

He had considered making the same marks himself, more than once. 

Caleb was looking down now, face flushed and a frown on his face. Fjord was sure his heart was breaking, the man had curled in on himself, tense and nervous. All the silly joyful energy was gone, just like that. 

Fjord reached out slowly, pulling the sleeve back down and taking Calebs hand in both of his. He waited until Caleb looked up at him, and he smiled. 

“Thank you for telling me Cay, I’m glad you could trust me with that” 

The other mans eyes went wide at that, staring into his in a searching way, shock and confusion evident on his face. Fjord just squeezed his hand gently, he meant it. It took trust to share something like that with someone. He knew Caleb considered them friends, he had said so on more than one occasion... and he _had_ given Fjord his number in a slightly-more-than-friendly way. 

Still. 

“Where do you keep your coffee? You look like you could use one” he teased gently. 

Caleb pointed with his free hand to the cupboard next to the fridge, Fjord stood, and Caleb followed, seeming unwilling to return Fjords hand just yet. That was fine as far as he was concerned. 

It took a little while, Fjord working one-handed and all, but eventually they were seated across from each other on the floor again. There was a pot of coffee, the bag of pretzels and a fresh bag of popcorn between them, two novelty mugs (the only kind Caleb seemed to have) steaming away. 

“I should have known you would drink your coffee black” he teased, rolling his eyes “it’s very on-brand for you Professor” 

Caleb faked a gagging noise “ugh, do not call me that _please_ , it’s weird enough when the students do it” he eyed Fjords coffee disapprovingly “I had an awful feeling you might take your _coffee_ as more milk and sugar, but I am horrified by how correct I was” 

Fjord sputtered indignantly “Just because I like it to actually taste _good_...” 

Inside he was glowing. The routine of making the coffee and getting settled had calmed Caleb down, he seemed to be in a much better mood. He was still clearly high, the enlarged pupils hadn’t gone away, but it seemed to have evened out a bit. 

They spent the next half hour talking about everything from coffee and tea preferences to jobs, to family. Caleb had skated past any mention of his parents, the way his hands had gone to his forearms was enough for Fjord not to press. Fjord learned that he had been the one to give their little group of friends the name “Mighty Nein”, which he had assumed was spelt like the number up until then... but honestly the “Mighty NO” made a lot more sense for this group. 

He got Caleb to talk more about Veth, about how they had become like family over the years. How he had worked for ages to figure out the spell to undo the curse put on her years ago and give her back her body. How the quest for this spell had led him to Dunamancy and his last failed relationship with a drow named Essek. Fjord tried to ignore the little burst of jealousy he felt towards the unknown man, thinking of the hours they would have spent working and just _being_ together. He had nothing to be jealous of, he and Caleb weren’t together after all. 

“And now she and Yeza are living in Nicodranas, quite close to Jesters mother actually” Caleb pulled out his phone and opened the photo gallery “this is Luc, he is their son. I am technically his godfather, but I haven't gotten to meet him yet” 

On the screen was a photo of a little halfling baby with dark chestnut curls and huge brown eyes, the baby was smiling and had his chubby little hands held out towards whoever was taking the photo. 

“He’s adorable” 

Caleb hummed in agreement, his expression fond. 

Fjord shared stories of his life at sea, getting to see all sorts of places with Vandran and the crew. It hadn’t been glamorous, but it had been exciting. He talked about the crew, about Orly the ancient tortle navigator, and Marius the run-away marquis son. They were good folks, and he missed them. He made sure to include as many ridiculous “sailor-on-leave" stories, loving the way that Caleb would burst out into laughter or roll his eyes at how ridiculous they had been. 

“So _then”_ he laughed “I woke up completely soaked, in nothing but my boxers at the bottom of a life raft!” 

Caleb’s face was red with laughter “how on _Exandria_?” 

“That’s the best part, I still have no clue, don’t remember a damn thing!” he wiped a tear from under his eye “ ’course, Vandran was right pissed, I was on night shift for over a month after that one” 

He couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed so much. Or the last time he had told anyone these stories. It felt good. 

\---- 

The rest of the night went by quickly, Caleb could feel himself sobering up as the tingling sensation left his skin and the weight returned to his shoulders. Sitting on the kitchen floor trading stories with Fjord though... it was enough of a distraction to keep the empty feeling at bay. They ended up ordering in pizza, and Caleb was shocked to learn that Fjord was absolutely terrified of any kind of horror programming. Even the insanely cheesy ghost hunting shows that always played on cable had him going pale. Caleb had teased him about it for a while but had relented and instead thrown on an old movie. It was in black and white, and they spoke quickly with strange slang, but it was light and relaxing. 

To Caleb’s surprise, Fjord had sat down on the couch beside him, throwing one arm over the back of the couch and crossing one leg over the other. It was such a comforting gesture, Caleb found himself leaning in as the night went on. He couldn’t get the way Fjord had held his hand out of his mind. It hadn’t been the reaction he was expecting. He had expected revulsion, maybe pity if he was lucky... but instead, he had found kindness, acceptance. Caleb sighed happily; he was starting to have trouble keeping his eyes open now. He couldn’t deny the thrill that went through him when Fjords arm slid from the back of the couch to wrap around his shoulders instead. 

He took a breath and let himself relax into the touch, resting his head fulling against Fjords shoulder. Fjord was warm and solid beside him, and before he could even think to fight it he was drifting off to sleep. 

He woke wrapped up in warmth, with the sound of a heartbeat under his ear. Caleb couldn’t remember the last time he had woken up with another person. The body under him stirred, shifting slightly and tightening their hold on his waist. Caleb sighed and cracked open on eye  _ just _ enough to see the swath of green skin and the soft black shirt he was laying on. He had no memory of laying down, but either they had both passed out and just slid of their own accord, or Fjord had seen he was sleeping and laid them down across the plush couch. He felt his cheeks heat up at the thought, it would be just like Fjord to take it in his stride that way. He tilted his head slightly to get a better look at the sleeping face above him and...

He tried to fight back a groan as the pounding pain in his head made itself known. He hadn’t had a drink in over twenty-four hours and the hangover he had been avoiding for over a year had fought  it’s way through. It appeared Fjord was a light sleeper, because when Caleb opened his eyes  again, he was looking straight into sleepy amber ones.

“Headache?” Fjords tone was warm, if a little teasing.

Caleb grumbled, pressing his face into Fjord’s chest  in an attempt to block out the light streaming in from the balcony window. He felt more than heard the chuckle in response, a warm rumbling beneath him. Fjord moved his hand from where it had rested on Calebs waist and rubbed up and down his back slowly.

“Water and meds... plus breakfast” 

Suddenly Fjord was moving to sit up, Caleb grabbed his shoulder instinctively with a little huff of surprise that made the other man chuckle again. The new position had them at eye level, and Caleb blushed again as the amber eyes focused in on his face, flicking briefly to his lips before moving back to look him in the eye. The temptation to lean in and close the gap between them was strong, Caleb tilted his head slightly, about to give in when a sudden loud buzzing kicked his headache back into full gear. Fjord picked up his phone off the back of the couch, rolled his eyes at the number and clicked the buzzing off, looking at him apologetically.

“Sorry darlin’, go get water and headache meds, I’ll get the blinds for you” 

They untangled themselves from the couch and each other, and Caleb made a beeline for the bathroom while Fjord started fussing with the blinds. He shut the door as quietly as possible and braced himself on the counter, staring into the mirror. 

_ Darlin’ _

Oh that was going to cause problems. Not  _ problems _ maybe, but... damn it. He opened the medicine cabinet, poured 4 pills into his hand and put everything back. Tossing back the meds with a few sips of cold water from the faucet he went back to staring at himself. 

He looked tired. The bags under his eyes looked like bruises, one night of surprisingly good sleep was not enough to erase that. He looked too thin again too, his cheeks always showed when he wasn’t eating enough... they hollowed out, making him look gaunt. His hair needed washing, and it had come out of the ponytail during the night, looking more like a ginger lion mane  at the moment . This was not the image of someone you called  _ darlin’ _ in that soft way. 

But... even though he knew it was selfish, and he didn’t deserve it... he wanted to hear it again. 

He thought of the way seeing Fjord smile and laugh, getting to talk to him and spend time with him, made things seem so much easier. He knew that even if something  _ did _ happen between them, it wouldn’t fix anything, wouldn’t fix  _ him  _ (that’s just not how things work after  all)… but it might be easier to try. 

He looked down at the hand Fjord had held the night before and flexed the fingers, imagining for a moment what it would be like to be able to just... do that. To grab his hand whenever he wanted and hold on. 

_ “Have you thought about therapy?” Fjord had asked him in the quiet between stories “if the support group helped” _

_ He had hummed in response, he had thought about it, but had never followed through. He told the other man as much and Fjord had nodded.  _

_ “Well... if you want, I can give you the number of the therapist I went to, she specializes in trauma” he had  _ _ shrugged _ _ , sheepish “just, if you want” _

Caleb shook his head to dispel the memory. Could he manage therapy? Could he spill his horror and trauma and the mess that was his brain out to  a complete stranger ? Maybe it would be easier that way...

He left the bathroom, running his fingers through his hair  in an attempt to detangle it. His brush had disappeared a few days before and he hadn’t bothered to replace it yet. He looked up and paused, staring into the kitchen and wondering if maybe he had hit his head without realizing. 

Fjord had managed to find two frying pans and the bacon Caleb kept in the freezer for when Beau slept over sometimes. The smell made his mouth water as he watched Fjord crack two eggs into the other pan. Seeming to realize he was being watched, he looked over his shoulder with an  embarrassed smile.

“Sorry, I saw all the frozen dinners and figured you could use a real breakfast...” he trailed off, looking around the kitchen as his cheeks went a darker shade of green “probably should’ve asked first I suppose”

Caleb walked forward, shaking his head “ _ n- _ _ nein _ , it’s fine, make yourself at home I...” he trailed off, feeling at a loss for words “It has been a long while since I ate breakfast” 

Fjord shook his head and sighed “you really need to take better care of yourself  y’know ” he nudged Caleb with an elbow and smiled “ gotta look after that brain of yours” 

Caleb smiled back, he just... couldn’t help it. 

\--

The rest of the morning went by quickly, they ate breakfast and talked more about everything and nothing. For the first time in a long time, Caleb didn’t think about the time, about how much longer until the end of his day. They went their separate ways after a few hours, both having work and other “damned responsibilities” as Fjord had put it.

Caleb went to the bar, as usual that night and drank away the rest of the  surprisingly good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a little bit of a fluffier chapter.  
> I love protective Beau and sugar-sweet Fjord and that's it.
> 
> No Thoughts, only Widofjord


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter: Mollymauk Tealeaf
> 
> (This is a mostly Fjord centric chapter, I don't know why but there you go)

It had been three months since their impromptu sleep over, and they had spent most of their free time together since. Fjord stretched, smiling when Beau walked in. He was only doing a half shift today, and planned to spend the afternoon being completely lazy and relaxing. 

“Yo Fjord”

He looked over and waved as she dropped her coat on a hook and made her way to him. He raised an eyebrow at the tote bag she had in one hand and her ears went red. 

“Sooo listen”

Ah, a favour then. He smirked and crossed his arms, nodding at her to continue

“I was supposed to drop this stuff off at Calebs, he’s working on some massive fucking paper at home and knowing him he’ll skip all human function if he’s left to his own devices”

Fjord huffed out a laugh at that, she was right. If someone didn’t remind him, Caleb was wont to just work until he passed out… the amount of times Fjord had shown up at the apartment to find him sleeping on a pile of research at his desk…

“Yeah, no problem, I’ll go make sure he eats”

Beau sighed with relief and smiled at him “It’s good having you on the team man”

“Which team is that?”

“The ‘keep the damned wizard alive’ team, duh”

“Ah, right”

And so, that was how Fjord found himself outside of Caleb’s apartment door. He would have gone in already, but the music from inside had stopped him. Some kind of loud pop song that Fjord was _sure_ he had never heard Caleb listen to before. He unlocked the door and stepped in, turning towards the kitchen as he shut the door behind himself. Fjord stared, who that fuck was that?

Standing with their back to Fjord was a lavender Tiefling with dark purple curls, intricate tattoos and booty shorts that said, in white block letters _across the ass_ “R U Nasty?”.

The Tiefling whipped around at the sound of the door shutting, red, pupil-less eyes wide in shock.

“What the fuck?!”

There was a clatter as the _stranger_ in Caleb’s kitchen dropped the mug he had been holding back into the sink and grabbed a huge knife from the block.

“Uhh…” Fjord glared, bringing himself to his full height and crossing his arms out of instinct “Who the fuck are you?”

“Excuse the fuck out of _me_ darling, but I think _I_ should be asking that question”

They stood glaring at each other for a moment before the sound of the bathroom door opening distracted them both.

“Mollymauk, I heard a bang, is everything okay?”

Fjord’s attention snapped to Caleb and he felt his cheeks warm. The human stood in nothing but a pair of loose grey sweatpants (which Fjord thought _might_ be his), with a small towel draped around his shoulders to catch the drips from his still-wet hair. He caught sight of Fjord then and a fond smile spread across his face.

“Oh, Fjord! I didn’t know you were coming by”

He held up the bag of groceries “Beau said you were working on something big, I figured I’d come make sure you actually ate somethin’ today”

“ _Danke_ Fjord, you are too-“

“Wait” interrupted the lilting voice from the other side of the kitchen, the music dropped to a much lower volume “ _Fjord_ , this is _Fjord_?”

Fjord looked over and raised an eyebrow at the Tiefling (Mollymauk, he supposed) whose expression went from confusion to understanding, to scrutiny in a flash as he put the knife back in the block. He walked over, hips swaying dramatically and stopped in front of Fjord, eyeing him up and down. Caleb made his way over at the same time, rolling his eyes.

“Yes, this is Fjord”

Mollymauk hummed in response before smirking at Caleb

“Well, he’s not your usual type… but I’ll grant he _is_ handsome” he paused a moment, allowing Caleb’s blush to show itself before adding “and honestly, who _doesn’t_ have the sailor-on-leave fantasy?”

Caleb was sputtering now, and they both spoke at once.

“I don’t have a _type_ -“

“I’m not technically on leave-“

They stopped and looked at each other, Fjord chuckled and Caleb shook his head. Suddenly a tattooed lavender hand was held out to him, perfectly manicure claws painted a vibrate blue.

“Let’s try this again: Mollymauk Tealeaf, Molly to my friends”

Fjord took the hand and shook, smiling at him

“Fjord, good to meet you”

Caleb sighed, sitting down at the island and starting to towel off his hair. Molly wandered back to the coffee machine, holding out two empty cups and nodding when they both agreed. Fjord started to put away the groceries when Mollys lightly accented voice spoke again, a teasing tone to it.

“And you do _absolutely_ have a type Caleb dear, everyone has a type”

Caleb sighed again, draping the towel back around his shoulders and waving a hand in a ‘go-on-then’ manner at Molly

“And what is my type then Mollymauk?”

Molly placed a cup of black coffee in front of Caleb, and one that clearly had milk and sugar in front of Fjord.

“Pretty twinks, duh”

Caleb choked on the sip of coffee, coughing and glaring at Molly while Fjord burst out laughing

“I have _no idea_ what you’re-“

“Oh shush, there was that Crowns Guard from Alfield what was their name… oh, Bryce right” Fjord leaned against the counter, smirking at Caleb as Molly started counting on his fingers “then there was that older guy from school, Yussa” another finger “then there was the disastrous Essek” Molly glared for a moment, dislike clear on his face before he shook his head and smirked again “and then well…” he winked “there was _yours truly_ ”

Fjord felt the smirk slip on his face for a moment, that wasn’t information he had been expecting to get today. Molly’s expression softened and he patted Fjords arm lightly

“Don’t worry tall green and gorgeous, I’m not one to settle down and that’s all been done with for over a year” he shrugged, twirling away to grab an apple out of the bowl on the counter “besides” he said around a mouthful “we were never anything serious anyway right Cay-cay?”

Caleb sighed, and Fjord looked at him curiously

“ _Nein_ , we were always just friends” he looked up at Fjord imploringly, the worry clear in his face “just… single friends”

Fjord felt his chest go warm at the nervous way Caleb was fidgeting with his mug now. Who was he to judge, after all, he was a sailor and you got lonely on a ship. The conversation strayed to Molly then, and Fjord learned that he was a musician and actor. He had spent the last year on two separate tours, 6 months with his band and six on Broadway. He occupied the spare room whenever he was in town, but tended to jump between Caleb’s and Yasha’s. 

“So if you need me out of your hair, don’t hesitate to ask” he had winked, causing both Fjord and Caleb to go darker in the face.

When the topic turned to plans for the evening, Molly excitedly proposed hitting the bar to “absolutely terrorize Beau” and have a few drinks. Fjord eyed Caleb, watching him try to brush it off as a _potential_ plan and not what he did every night anyway. 

“Oh c’mon Caleb! It’ll be just like old times! Well…” he smirked at Fjord “except I’ll be happy to go home with our darling lesbians, if you have _other plans_ ” he winked again.

This man was ridiculous.

Caleb sighed “I’m going to go finish getting ready, I do need to get some work done today”

“I’ll whip up some lunch, I promised Beau you’d eat”

“ _Danke_ Fjord” he pressed a light kiss to Fjords cheek, smiling before heading back to his room.

Molly waited until the door clicked shut before turning to Fjord, ever-present smile instantly gone. It was a shocking change, and Fjord just blinked at him for a moment.

“Okay new boy, spill. What’s going on with Caleb”

“Uh…”

“Yasha already warned me he’s been ‘ _having a rough time’_ ” he used air-quotes here “since Veth left, but she didn’t say how, I get the feeling you won’t be as apt to pussy-foot around it”

Fjord stared for a moment, considering his options. The others hadn’t been willing to tell Molly what had been going on with Caleb, but Fjord wasn’t surprised. The last few months had shown that as much as they loved the wizard, they weren’t willing to push him on getting help. They didn’t know how, or what to say. 

But sometimes… when you love someone, you need to push a little.

“Okay, here’s the deal”

Fjord explained quickly and quietly what had been happening. The alcoholism, the nightmares, the intrusive thoughts and clear depression. He watched Molly’s face go from the stern concern that had started the conversation to pure sadness by the end.

“I just… the others, they know he’s going through it, but I don’t think they know what to say…” he paused, looking down into his nearly empty mug “I… well, I care about him, he’s so smart and kind and just… _good_ , but he doesn’t see it”

Molly sighed “Well, I’m glad he at least has someone who gets it”

“They mean well-“

“Of course they do, we love him, he’s family” he rubbed his temples, looking frustrated “I think… I think the booze might be partially my fault”

“How?”

“After _Essek_ left… He was distraught y’know? Veth had just gone back to her husband, which no one blames her for obviously, and Caleb wasn’t coping well. Lashing out, skipping work, that sort of thing… so Essek got fed up and left” he gave a little half shrug “which like… fine, whatever. But I started taking Caleb out drinking with me to try and… I dunno, distract him? He started going to work again anyway, so I figured he just needed to let off some steam”

He eyed Fjord now, expression serious “we really weren’t anything serious, we weren’t dating, just doing the whole friends-with-benefits thing”

Fjord shrugged “I get that, I was a sailor remember”

“Oh you are going to _have_ to tell me more about that later, but for now… I just, I figured after I left he would just go back to his normal life. He never mentioned the bar when we talked, he talked about work and lately he talks about a certain handsome new boo”

Fjord rolled his eyes at that one

“But I never thought…” he scoffed “no one tells me _anything_ I swear, I’m going to murder Beau”

“I’m… I gave him the number for my old therapist” Fjord said quietly “I don’t know if he’s spoken to her yet”

They stood in silence for a moment, finishing off their coffees and digesting the information. 

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think the drinking is your fault” Molly looked up at him as he spoke “I think… well, from what he’s told me, it started with Veth leaving… he was already drinking before Essek left”

Another sigh, but before he could respond they heard the door of Caleb’s room creak open. Instantly Molly’s stance changed back to his previous relaxed, flirtatious one and the cheeky grin appeared back on his face. Caleb smiled at him, he had pulled on a long sleeved t-shirt, but was still in the stolen sweatpants. The familiar warmth spread through his chest and he stood, holding out an arm so that Caleb could wrap one around his waist. He pressed a kiss to the still damp hair and tried to inhale without it being obvious. 

As much as he liked to pretend otherwise, there were still some orc-ish traits that broke through, and Caleb’s scent had taken on a comfortable ‘home’ quality in his mind.

Molly sighed dramatically now

“Ugh, are you two the touchy-cutesy couple? If it wasn’t bad enough dealing with Beau and Yasha being all disaster-lesbian…”

Caleb flipped the Tiefling off, shooting him an affectionate smile before kissing Fjords cheek. 

Two weeks had passed since Molly’s arrival, and Fjord found he liked the man more now that they had gotten to know each other a little better. He was a horrible flirt, but he hadn’t been kidding when he said he rarely slept at home more than one night in a row. And, he had been a huge help in convincing the others that maybe giving into all of Caleb’s vices wasn’t a great strategy for helping him get better. Molly developed a habit of stealing drinks, and Fjord kept up his usual habit of getting the wizard talking.

Fjord liked his tactic, because not only did Caleb drink less, he got to listen to him talk… which was always his favourite part. Gods the accent just did something to Fjords brain. 

\----

Things were looking up; Caleb was feeling all kinds of warm and content, that poignant mix of whiskey and good company doing its job again. Fjord had worked his first night shift in a few weeks, giving Beau a night off to spend with Yasha. The bar was about ten minutes from closing, and Caleb had bid Fjord goodnight and was still relishing in the warm kiss they had shared. 

He had decided to walk home, the nights were warming up again now, spring slowly taking over from Winter, and he didn’t live far. He paused a few blocks from the bar, staring up into the sky and revelling in how… not shitty things had been. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he sighed, who would be calling him this late at night?

He felt his heart jump as Veth’s name flashed across the screen. He clicked the answer button and whipped it back to his ear.

“Veth?”

“Caleb!” her voice was joyful, and it soothed something in Caleb’s soul to hear it again “I’m sorry it’s so late, but I just got the news and I ­had to call”

He couldn’t resist the smile as he continued walking.

“I am up anyway, what is it?”

“I figured you might be, you work too hard. Is Beau making sure you eat?”

“Beau and Fjord, yes, but what is your news?”

“Fjord? Whos- OH WAIT. Jessie said… but she wasn’t kidding? He’s real?”

Caleb laughed now “yes _Liebling_ , he’s real, and good and kind. But what was _your_ news?”

She hummed, clearly not wanting to drop the topic, but relented

“I’m coming to visit! Me, Yeza and Luc!”

He felt his heart leap, Veth was coming back! Even just for a visit, he felt the smile grow and was sure that to any outside he would look insane.

“Oh Veth that’s-“

But before he could finish his sentence, there was the sound of a loud horn, screeching wheels and then a blast of blinding pain all along the right side of his body.

And then… darkness.

\----

Fjord hummed happily to himself as he finished cleaning up the last glasses and wiped down the bar. They had closed about a half an hour ago. Fjord had enjoyed working one of his rare night shifts, Beau had wanted the day off to spend with Yasha and he had happily agreed. He had spent the night talking to the regulars (but mostly Caleb) since it was a Wednesday night and the bar had been quiet. Caleb had left at closing, wanting to enjoy the nicer weather by walking home instead of waiting for him to drive in the truck. 

Fjord always felt a little apprehensive when the wizard insisted on walking home so late at night, but he seemed to really enjoy it and well… Fjord wasn’t great at denying him things that made him smile. 

As he hung up the drying rag and started to make his way to the back, he heard the phone at the bar start to ring. He stared at it for a moment, they were _technically_ closed, so he really didn’t have to answer… But it could be Gus or Beau… He walked over and picked it up

“Moondrop and Fletchings, Fjord speaking”

An unfamiliar female voice answered, “Is Beauregard Lionett available?”

He paused, no one they knew called her that…

“She just stepped away, can I ask who’s calling?”

“Zadash General Hospital, we have her listed as the emergency contact for Mr Caleb Widogast”

Fjord’s heart pounded in his chest as he gripped the phone tight enough to hear it creak

“I-I’m his… his partner, is he okay?”

“I can’t release information to someone not on-“

“Okay, okay she’ll be there as soon as possible thank you”

He hung up and grabbed his cellphone, whipping his jacket on as he waited for Beau to answer.

“’Sup Fjord, did I forget somethi-“

“The hospital called, it’s Caleb, I’m coming to get you”

She let out a string of curses and gave him her address. She was in a pair of plaid pajama pants and an oversized hoodie when he pulled up, she jumped into the truck before he had even properly stopped and they were off. He tried to focus on the road, clutching the wheel to help steady his shaking hands. He was absolutely certain he blew through a few stop signs but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. 

They arrived in a blur, both of them running up to the information desk and shocking the woman there as they spoke over each other.

“One at a time please” she said, clearly trying to calm them.

Beau spoke first

“I’m Beau Lionett, I’m here for Caleb Widogast is he-“

Her voice shook and Fjord reached out and grabbed her shoulder, staring at the woman as she flipped through the files on her clipboard.

“Ah yes, he’s in room 113, just down the hall to the right there” she pointed “he was awake when the nurse checked him a few minutes ago, just a moment”

She picked up her phone and spoke to someone while Fjord resisted the urge to run down the hall without them. An older woman in scrubs came out from the room behind the info desk and smiled reassuringly at them.

“Follow me folks, he’ll be glad to have company I think, he’s a bit shaken”

“Is he okay?” Beau asked as they walked

The nurse hummed “well, he has three broken ribs, two cracked ones and lot of bruising, plus a broken arm and a minor concussion” she caught the looks on their faces as they stopped outside the room, and reached out to pat Beau’s hand “nothing life-threatening though dear, don’t worry”

Beau nodded, taking a deep breath as they walked in. 

Caleb was sitting up, with the help of the movable mattress, on the hospital bed, the curtains on the large window beside him were drawn. He was dressed in a hospital gown with the blankets pulled up to his waist, an IV in one arm and a heart monitor attached to his finger as well. His right arm was in a sling and Fjord could see bandages wrapped around his arms. He looked over and Fjord felt his heart constrict at the clear discomfort on his face. 

Fjord crossed the room in a few long strides, taking the hand Caleb held out to him immediately and searching his face. There was a bruise blooming from under his hair on the left side of his face, right by his temple, and a large pad of gauze taped to his cheek just below it. Fjord moved his gaze to the eyes he so adored, they looked clear but the fear that Caleb was trying so hard to hide stuck out. 

“Oh darlin’…” Fjord sighed, cupping his non-injured cheek and pressing a light kiss to his forehead “what can I do?”

“I just want to go home; can we go home?”

Fjord turned to the nurse, raising an eyebrow and she gave him an apologetic look.

“I’m sorry dear, we have to wait for the doctor to look you over one more time before you can go, she needs to make sure your helpers here know how to keep you healthy”

Caleb made a sad little noise in the back of his throat but didn’t say anything.

The nurse left and Beau pulled up a chair, flopping down and releasing a large breath.

“Man, you had us so scared, what happened?”

Caleb leaned into Fjords touch, looking embarrassed.

“I didn’t see the car, they had their headlights off” Beau cursed “and I was on the phone with Veth and…”

He stopped, his eyes going wide as he looked over at Beau in absolute horror. She furrowed her brow at him for a moment before she caught on. Fjord looked between them, still confused until Beau cursed again and whipped out her phone.

“Veth? Hey, yeah he’s-“

A pause as a shrill sounding voice responded “yeah, no I’m with him now he’s-“

“Veth he’s-“

“Veth. Veth!” she grumbled “for fucks… okay hold on”

She walked over and handed the phone to Caleb, who let go of Fjord’s hand with clear reluctance.

“Hallo Veth” a pause “yes I am alive, I was hit by a car” another pause “no I am fine, a mild concussion, a few broken ribs and a broken arm… plus some road rash” a small smile, warm and fond, spread across his face now “no, no Veth I am with Beau and Fjord, Beau _called_ you remember?” he chuckled now “no I do not think they will leave me here, you can ask if you- oh okay?”

Fjord felt his eyebrows raise in surprise as Caleb held out the phone, but he just shrugged and wiggled the phone at him.

“Um… hello?”

“You’re Fjord?” the voice on the other end was shrill and a little raspy, but the worry was still clear

“I am, you must be Veth, Caleb’s told me a lot about you” it never hurt to suck up a little bit.

“Yeah yeah that’s me you listen here” he blinked in surprise “That’s my boy sitting there and I can’t get to stupid Zadash fast enough to look after him myself” she paused for a moment before continuing, her voice a bit gentler “you being at the hospital says something, and Caleb seems to trust you’ll help, but I need to hear you say it”

Fjord smiled warmly at Caleb as he replied “of course I will, there’s nothin’ on Exandria that could stop me”

Veth hummed softly in response, seeming to consider what he said

“Okay, fine, give me back to Caleb”

He handed the phone back, and listened as Caleb confirmed that he was going to be okay again with Veth. He held out a hand to Beau and mimed writing. She rolled her eyes, but pulled a pencil from where it had been resting on her ear and a pocket sized notebook from her pajamas. He mouthed a thank you and started writing down dates a few weeks away. 

After a few minutes, there was a knock on the door, Beau called for them to come in. In walked a woman who was clearly Caleb’s doctor, she smiled warmly at them.

“I have to go Veth, the doctor is here” a pause “yes, I will call you tomorrow I promise”

He hung up and handed the phone to Beau, taking Fjords offered hand as soon as he could. 

The doctor walked over and looked between the three of them

“Which of you is Beauregard..?”

Beau raised her hand in greeting and the doctor turned to look at Fjord. He tried not to glare, there was no way they were making him leave this room. 

“Normally we can’t share information with anyone but direct family…”

“I don’t have any” Caleb said simply “Beauregard and Fjord are the closest thing I’ve got”

The doctor looked at him for a moment and her smile returned as she nodded. 

“So, as you know, you have three broken ribs, two cracked and bruising on all twelve on the right side of your body. On top of that, your right arm is broken in two different places and you are dealing with a mild concussion”

“Why wasn’t this healed magically?” Beau asked, arms crossed

“We would have needed a signed consent form from either Mr. Widogast or his next of kin” the doctor said, sounding apologetic “but, if you’d like to sign one and wait I can bring someone in now?”

She looked from Beau to Caleb, but Caleb shook his head adamantly. Fjord furrowed his brow, catching Caleb's eye

“Cay, wh-“

“I’d rather not, thank you” he said simply, and Fjord nodded. They could talk about it later.

The doctor cleared her throat and looked from Fjord to Beau again “our main concern is the concussion, it is on the mild side so we’re willing to release him tonight, but it’s a condition that needs monitoring”

She waited for them both to nod, and Fjord squeezed Caleb's hand gently.

“Main rules are pretty basic, but they’ll help ensure a safe recovery. First, no driving or operating heavy machinery. Second, no strenuous activity” Fjord could have sworn she was staring right at him with that one, and he blushed “Three, cut back or completely remove screen time, that includes TV, cellphones and computers. Four, no booze. And finally, sleep, we recommend no caffeine to make it easier”

“What about meds, for headaches and stuff?” Beau asked, eyeing the closed blinds

“They’re alright but not to excess, and make sure to include plenty of water”

There was a pause as the doctor looked over the machines monitoring Caleb’s vitals. She frowned slightly and looked over at the wizard.

“Your heart rate is slightly higher than I would expect, are you in pain?”

Caleb looked away and shook his head

“Don’t- don’t like hospitals much…” he mumbled, Fjord lifted his hand and pressed his lips against the bruised knuckles. Caleb smiled tentatively at him.

The doctor hummed sympathetically. 

“What about the asshole who hit him? Did the cops get him or what”

Beau sounded pissed, and Fjord couldn’t blame her, what kind of ass drove without headlights?

“Oh, he’s the one who called the ambulance” the doctor sighed “we can’t press charges on behalf of a patient, so that’s something you would have to do on your own” she seemed to hesitate in the face of Beaus obvious wrathful anger “but ah… he is here, in the waiting room, we couldn’t let him in until Mr. Widogast was ready and well-“

“I wouldn’t let anyone in until you got here” Caleb said in that same mumbling voice. 

“Cay?” those blue eyes met his and the familiar warmth spread through his chest, but he kept his voice low “do you want to speak to them?”

Caleb thought about it for a moment, then took a deep breath and nodded

“Might as well get it over with, and then we can leave and put this behind us” he paused and bit his lip “I just want to go home”

“I know darlin’, we’ll make it quick”

The doctor nodded and walked out of the room to get the driver.

“Do you _want_ to press charges Cay?” Beau asked moving to sit on the end of the bed

Caleb shook his head, and while Fjord had been expecting it, there was still an almost scarily protective part of his mind that raged against it. In the moments they were waiting, Caleb had Fjord type out and send an email to his students, letting them know that classes were cancelled the rest of the week. Fjord was just sending it out when the door opened behind them. Caleb’s eyes went wide at the same time as Fjord hear Beau swear under her breath.

“Caleb, I’m so glad you’re okay”

The accented voice was unfamiliar to Fjord, and he turned to look at who could cause these reactions.

There stood a drow man, with pure white hair that looked like it was usually well coiffed, but like he had been running his hands through it. He had a handsome face, striking silvery eyes and silver piercings along his long perfectly tapered ears. His suit was immaculately cut and styled, and other than the stains on the knees (which Fjord felt sick to realize were probably blood… _Caleb's_ blood) it looked brand new. He looked like a painting come to life, and Fjord glared.

“Hallo Essek” Caleb said, sounding strangled.

Fjord returned his attention to his partner, squeezing his hand comfortingly. 

“Are you _fucking_ serious” Beau growled folding her arms are glaring at the man on the other side of the room “of _everyone_ in this fucking city”

“It’s… it’s okay Beauregard” Caleb soothed before a bitter smile appeared on his face “I know our parting was not exactly ah… pleasant, but I didn’t think it would lead to you hitting me with your car”

Fjord turned now, to see how this _Essek_ would react. He looked ashamed, which was something at least

“I can assure you it wasn’t on purpose… I was-“ he sighed running and hand through his hair “I was on a call, I got distracted and forgot to turn on the headlights” he looked at Caleb imploringly “I am sorry, truly, you can’t imagine the panic when I saw you crossing, I tried to stop I…” he looked away “I did try”

There was a moment of tense silence, Fjord knew that given the slightest indication Beau would punch this guy so hard he’d be the one with the concussion. He knew that he would help hold him down.

But he knew Caleb too, and like clockwork, the soft sigh he had been waiting for broke the silence.

“I am not going to press charges, I just want to go _home_ ” he squeezed Fjords hand, and Fjord looked over in response “ _bitte_ _S_ _üsser_ ”

Fjord nodded, the doctor came over from where she had been standing and Fjord stood to let her disconnect Caleb’s cords. 

“You may have some trouble with balance for a few days, be careful on stairs okay?”

Caleb nodded and allowed Fjord to help him to the extra-large, attached bathroom to change. It was slow going, but they got him clothed enough to get home. As they were leaving, Essek held out a hand, staring imploringly at Caleb

“Please Caleb, let me do something to… well not make it up to you, I don’t suppose-“

All four of them were walking outside, Fjord had his arm wrapped around Caleb’s waist and the wizard was leaning heavily on him. 

“I don’t suppose I can really make this up but… at least let me replace your phone? Or- I don’t know how your insurance situation is now but-“

The man was babbling, and Caleb tugged them to a stop on the sidewalk leading to the parking lot. He sighed, and Fjord frowned at just how exhausted he looked. 

“Essek, please stop”

The drow stopped mid-sentence and looked at Caleb expectantly

“I do not blame you for this, though I suppose I ought to since it’s ridiculous that you drove your _black car_ at _night_ without the lights on”

Fjord fought a smirk at that, kissing the side of Caleb’s head instead.

“I didn’t think-“

“Yes, that’s obvious”

Essek glared now, arms crossed and back straight “Well perhaps if _you_ had been watching the road-“

“I do not blame you, I do not need your money or your pity. I am not the broke researcher you met and subsequently walked out on”

Essek looked like he was about to argue, but Caleb held up a hand.

“I do not blame you for that either, I was self-destructive and you had no obligation to stay and deal with that, _however_ , I do need you to understand that I have _no_ interest in talking to you anymore today. I do not need you to pay for anything, I just want to take my sister and my boyfriend and _go home_ ”

Caleb looked up at Fjord and he couldn’t resist the proud smile that spread across his face. Caleb’s cheeks went pink but he nodded, and they started to walk towards the car. Essek didn’t follow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not planning to have either of the babes just outline their whole backstory, so I'm hoping these little snippets I've worked in explain it well enough?? There's tons to come, we haven't really touched on Fjord yet (we get a bit in the next two chapters) but if anyone has questions I'll answer in as non-spoilery a way as possible <3

**Author's Note:**

> oh cool hi!   
> I'm taking a break from my usual work to write this mess, I hope you enjoy it!


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